anterior epistaxis

me: so back to the other question: are you busy after work tomorrow. god we go off on tangents
her: WHY?
me: i might actually like to have a conversation with you in person with non-tea or coffee beverages since you don't drink either instead of being silly over IM
her: NO WAY
her: WHY LOOSE THE SILLINESS
her: I'M BAD W/PLANNED CONVERSATIONS
me: planned conversations?
me: what is that silliness?
her: ?
me: in planned conversations
her: WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO HAVE A REAL CONVERSATION W/ME ANYWAY?
her: ABOUT WHAT?
her: :-<
me: because i want to make fun of you in person!
me: hahah
me: i don't have anything in mind
me: why would i plan what i'm going to talk to anyone about before hanging out with them?
her: I DONT' KNOW
her: YOU'RE PLANNIGN TO HAVE A REAL CONVERSATION W/ME
her: TOMOROW
her: THAT'S PLANNIG
her: THAT'S STRESSFUL
me: ah you are making things very complicated
me: i'm having a real conversation with you right now silly
me: never mind
her: THERE MUCH BETTER
her: SEE, HOW EASY THAT WAS
me: whatever
her: WHATEVER WHAT?
her: DO I SENSE FRUSTRATION?
me: i think your avoidance score is actually much higher than the test turned out
me: maybe, yeah
her: AHHAHHA
her: IT'S WAY UP THERE
her: MORE THAN YOU'LL EVER KNOW
me: yeah i bet it gives people nosebleeds!!
me: but i'll never know
her: nosebleeds
her: ahahahahha
me: epistaxis
me: anterior epistaxis
her: what mode are you going into?
her:
me: huh? rob was talking to me
me: what mode?
me: anterior epistaxis is the medical term for a nosebleed that occurs towards the front of your nose

sweet jane

"mellitos oculos tuos Jehane
siquis me sinat usque basiare
usque ad milia basiem trecenta.
nec mi umquam uidear satur futurus.
non si densior aridis aristis
sit nostrae seges osculationis."

no clue

she has no clue. ha! she doesn't really know. she doesn't suspect. should i laugh or should i cry?
--
After Eating Cherry Blossoms
by C. B. Kluge

After eating the sweetest blossoms,
your flesh blushes to flamingo rose.
You absorb dusk's pink vertigo,
the swirled clouds
siphoned like sustenance.
Droplets of blood
pool at your fingertips,
now like the waxwing's
matchstick wingtips,
beckoning flame.
As darkness falls,
the flock settles
among the beak-torn petals.
Fire flickers
at the edge of your feathers.
Cherries ripen,
crimson lanterns gleaming,
in the infinite orchard
of your mind.

--

yup, she has no clue.

uh...

her: i don't know
her: why do you think i'm an aries?
me: not sure
me: why, what are you?
her: why do you think i'm an aries?
me: not sure
her: that's not a good enough answer
me: you may have told me, i really don't know
her: hmmm..
me: did you tell me?
me: why are you being evasive?
her: i dont' recall
her: why can't i be evasive?
me: why not?
her: you should know by now
her: that doesn't work well with me
me: i suppose i should but which part? haha
her: i dont' have many friends
her: cuz ppl can't withstand me
me: please just tell me, you may have told me when we were folding newsletters if you told me at all
her: no
her: i'm not going to
me: cause you asked me if i was a scorpio that day
me: oh come on
me: what do you mean people can't withstand you?
her: i don't know
her: what does it mean
her: i meant
her: ppl usually will get tired
her: of my evasiveness
her: i rarely fail
her: ehehheh
me: ah, ok i understand
her: i have a great wall of china around me!
her: ehehheh
her: hahah!
me: so are you aries or not?
her: i don't think t likes me very much
me: why?
her: but she's still young
her: i just sense it from her
me: she is very young and full of energy but wisdom has not come into bloom yet. it is to be expected
her: do i have partial wisdom?
her: yes, wisdom will not beseech (?) her until she likes me
her: ahahahah
me: yes, you probably have than partial but you don't let ppl see you much
me: funny!!!!
her: huh?
her: confusing senstence
me: i meant there is wisdom in you but you don't feel comfortable showing it
her: WHAT?
her: that's lame
me: i don't think you like showing a lot about you in general
me: not lame
her: i'm not lame
her: your comment is lame
me: i didn't say you are lame i meant my comment is not lame
me: so are you going to tell me whether you are aries?
her: you seem to like asking...
her: so i let you keep at it
me: you seem to like being evasive...
me: so i am persistent
her: i wont' give in ever
her: if you don't
her: ahahha
her: don't try the impossible with me
me: i am not trying. i am doing

i didn't see her

so i didn't see her or even talk to her this weekend and i was okay. yay!

the nothing song

yes, that is exactly what i need to listen to now. a real song in a different language that i have no idea what it means. and i need to take its meaning so i can replace all the noise that is in my head.

i sat and chatted with firefly for two hours today. what the hell was i thinking?

pauses

one word forward
and a pause
a breath, a moment
of calm
three words forward
half a moment back
a smile, a glance
into a stare
another smile
contact and exchange
stumbling feelings
wobbly statements
committed hesitation

untitled

don’t touch me
don’t try to touch
the living part

it is only the span of a palm
the width of four fingers

what can four fingers do?
in an ocean that wraps upon itself?

we always hope for “what it could be”
envisioning monet while seeing de kooning
we like to think we’re complex

but it is much more simple
all we lack is a touch

words can’t quite explore
the grace of skin, the warmth of blood
waiting just below the surface