sunday afternoon

there is something undecidedly strange about hanging out with your not-quite-ex-wife, her ex-boyfriend, her ex-boyfriend's mother and grandmother and your own mother. hmm, one might say that i have a knack for these situations to arise in the course of my adventures. a buddhist sage might say that the conditions are right for these situations and events to manifest themselves. i am not quite sure which is the best way of looking at it. i am not sure how i really feel about it except to say that it beyond my understanding and it currently doesn't bother me so i can live with that. in fact, the weirdness of it all is sort of appealing to me, honestly. there is something that makes me feel like i'm a part of something that is improbable or unlikely. in that, there is definitely something cool. haha! as written by gibson, "he took a duck in the face at 120 knots." perhaps this shall become my mantra.

so how did it start, one might ask? mom and i were slated to hang out. and with mom being in town, christine wanted time with her too. yes, by now it is not an odd thing that christine still considers my mom her mom and my mom still likes if not cares for christine to some degree of significance. we have never discussed it really, i probably ought to ask how she really feels. this whole arena in the last several years of having mom as a buddy is still new ground. we are still finding a new joy in occasionally being totally and utterly blunt about things that in the past due to cultural tendencies (or baggage, depending on your view) are never spoken of. part of the two faced nature of being so asian is that when you are able to read those around you and don't have to ask how each other thinks or feels about something it gives you an immeasurable advantage in many situations around others who aren't like you. however, if you think you understand but really don't it could lead to all kinds of interesting complicated misunderstandings that may not even be recognized for years because you are operating on the assumption that your assumptions are correct! and yes, i did say years. i've seen it and still do. it is mind boggling. and though i'm not chinese, i have a better appreciation for why people, intelligent, well informed people agree that on a mass level, the chinese can only change in increments of a hundred years. some of this has to do with the rather ghastly and rarely spoken of bad traits and values born of confucianism and taoism. however highly regarded by asians and the rest of the world for many of the philosophical values that they established, no one talks about their darker side that stemmed from their sad and horrible personal lives that led them to be overly authoritative and misogynists. yup, no one likes to talk of that. they were great philosophers but were also great assholes when dealing with women and in some cases children. however this was put into place by placing high values in one's degree of homage and respect to elders, especially male elders, they are never supposed to be wrong. yeah, whatever. assholes... but i digress.

back to sunday afternoon. christine was unable to meet with us and mom was running late. so somewhere in there, marc decided that he would invite me and mom to his sunday bbq. now, this is a big thing. this is a real big thing cause marc is naturally uncomfortable in regards to me, the idea of me or being around me though we have always been very civil. when it comes down to it, we have no reasons not to be civil to one another. however marc is wary of me because he feels that i had way back then "stolen" christine from him when i first met her and later even after christine and i split up, she still keeps in very close communication with me. so for him to extend an invitation was a 'big' deal. moreover, i kind of feel like it is some sort of acceptance of me in his life if he is to stay friends with christine because as she tells it marc's sister nicole and her mom seem to think that i'm okay. in fact, nicole supposedly told christine some time ago to "dump marc and go back to your husband." ah, i don't even know how to respond to that. in any case, christine and marc's family are very close and, and i don't know where i'm going with this. description should be enough here. i don't need to fully understand. hahah, the irony of it. i'm not even sure i understand the irony but it is surely there.