confusion

i step forward, i trip backward. sometimes in the presence of someone you are amazed at, all your sensibilities and preparations dissolve into thin air. all those rehearsals you run through in your head seem not to engage. how does it happen? i don't know. sometimes all it is is a smile, a deft grin. all your rules that you have set up for yourself fades like the brush strokes on a john singer sargent painting. somewhere between the bold stroke of something solid to the gossamer indication of a smile you find yourself lost, lost to something amazing but you can't quite describe. so is your fate...your eyes reflect the thing that you desire and the shape of your heart is molded in the form of another....