last thursday night

on thursday night i stayed at christine's place since i had an early morning meeting the next morning at her office. i went up and worked from the apartment around mid-day and into the evening. i cooked dinner for her for the first time since september of 2001. i even made a vegetarian meal:

- steamed japanese short grain rice
- shiroi miso with seaweed soup
- sauteed baked tofu and crimini mushrooms with shallots in miso paste and sesame oil marinade
- maché and raw sunflower seed salad with rice wine vinegar, sesame oil, lime and wasabi dressing topped with roasted nori strips

it was a little surreal.

it was around 22:30h when she got dressed for bed and i was still typing up the agenda for the next day's meeting. she told me she was going to bed and i said, okay. i'll be another half hour or so. well don't stay up too late, remember you have about 45 minutes in the morning when we get there. i know, i just have to retype it. it is all finished. okay. uh, you can just throw the stuff on the floor there and i'll take care of it when i'm done here. what stuff? huh? the bedding stuff, blanket,sheets?! oh, uh...i was thinking that you would just sleep in bed, i mean if it's not too weird. [???] uh, yeah that is fine. it's not too weird, i'll be fine [lying]. i mean, i thought you would prefer to sleep in the bed rather than the floor [yes it is, it was fucking expensive. it was almost a down-payment on a car. and marc has been sleeping in that spot for two years. feeling very meek and confused]. yeah, sure. that's fine.

i finished my agenda, brushed my teeth and crawled into bed. i should say *climbed* because it is a loft bed and i used to joke that i needed a step stool to get on it (the top of the mattress is as high as the bottom of my rib cage). the bed *was* comfortable. the pressure slats were still set for my weight and dimensions, no pressure points. i hope marc was pinched by my settings >;-] i have never been a jealous person, really. but my my taste for vendetta is as rich as an overfed goose's liver.

next morning as we were driving to the office she said, i couldn't sleep at all last night. i kept waking up thinking about... [i can't remember what it was that she said]. it was something in relation to an email or something like that. i said, hmm...i slept really well. i had forgotten how comfortable that bed was.

karma is a strange mistress...

adult ADD

me: shit, it's almost five and i've not eaten yet
her: oh no!
her: have you called about potato sacks and clay?
her: i mean, you should get something to eat
her: gosh, i'm so rude sometimes
her:
me: yeah you are!
her: :)
her: sorry it comes w/being ADD
me: is that why i like you?
her: you mean, you like abuse?
me: i dunno why i put up with the abuse, geee
me: no
me: i don't like abuse
me: i like sharp wit
her: who is sharp wit?
her: i like blatant lies
her: ahahah
me: ok, so you wit is just semi sharp
me: hahahah
her: hahaa
her: you mean you like understated wit
her: ahahha
her: so are you getting something to eat?
her: maybe dauhu.com
her: ahahahhahahaahhahaha
me: hey that is a good idea
me: but i don't know of anyplace close
me: though i had really korean tofu soup the other day
her: really
her: i've tried korean food so many times
her: and just can't get with it
her: so wrong of me
me: ha
me: you are missing out
her: you know someting
me: yeah
me: what?
her: i hate it when i notice something ...
her: shady (for lack of better word)
her: oh, i know
her: calculating
her: yes
her: i hate it when i notice something calculating about someone
her: and it shifts my whole way of thinking about them
her: gosh, thta's so wrong!
her: don't worry, i haven't noticed it about you
her: *at least not really* heheeh
me: what are you getting at?
her: nothing
her: i'm just going off in a tangeant
me: come on spit it out
her: really, i'm not getting at anything
her: i'm trying to share w/you my personality disorder
her: it has nothing to do with other ppl
her: why are you so defensive?
me: i'm not, i'm curious now!
me: i should have been under the sign of a tiger...curious as a cat
her: so where was i?
her: you made me forget
me: i did not
me: her: i hate it when i notice something calculating about someone
her: and it shifts my whole way of thinking about them
her: gosh, thta's so wrong!
her: don't worry, i haven't noticed it about you
her: *at least not really* heheeh
me: that is where you were, ADD!
her: oh okay..
her: and so i can't be spontaneous around them
her: and i have my guard up (more than usual)
me: and...?
her: and i don't know what my point is
her: or how i came about to tell you
her: i think something sparked it
her: but i can't remember
her: shit
her: anyway, wha's that article you forwarded me from the NY times?
me: firefly, sometimes i don't know if you really are being ADD or you are just messing with me!
me: the article is about really good food in vietnam and how it is becoming a culinary travel destination
me: look at this... http://www.adultadd.com/index.jsp
me: brb
her: NO
her: i don't want to!
me: ha
me: did you take the test?
her: what test?
her: no
me: the adult ADD test
her: no
her: i didn't
me: why not/
her: i don't need any more crazy diagnosis
her: my friend sent me an awesome picture of hong kong's skyline
her: i am so jealous
me: did you remember what you forgot earlier?
me: hong kong skyline?
me: hm
her: forgot what earlier?
her: you like my new haircut?
her: did you get something to eat yet?
me: what does your haircut have to do with anything? and yes, i do like your haircut. i was going to take a picture of you with your new haircut if you wouldn't hide if i pointed the camera
me: no, i did not get anything to eat
me: i'm going to have an early dinner instead
her: what are you having?
me: not sure, i haven't had duck in a while but more likely crispy chicken...
her: hah
me: hah what?
her: hah as in okay
me: okay what hah?
her: i don't know
her: oh, so yes,
her: my haircut
her: is nice
her: heeheh
her: so what else is there?
her: i have to run off (as you would say) to the tax lady now
her: have you audited my article
me: ok, don't bump into anything
her: ?
me: no, i've not finished
me: we are not going to print just yet
her: do you think many kids will be interested in the buddha carving ?
her: why not?
me: yes, cause it's cool and we have you as the person showing them how to
her: hahah
her: that's right
me: because we aren't ready yet
her: i'd carve a dog first
her: ahahah
her: why aren't we ready?
me: we just aren't
me: i think you should gather the articles together in one place
me: oh, i sent jenny an email about her article that she needs to write!
me: surprise!
her: huh?
me: i meant about jenny being surprised
me: that she is writing an article for this issue
me: ok, i'll let you run to the tax lady. good luck
her: ok
her: bye bye for now
me: so how am i supposed to call you?
her: until hello any how
her: you don't
her: hahha
me: avoidance
her: why do you need to call me?
me: to give you a hard time
her: give me a good reason
her: not good enough
her: *sorry
me: i'll tell you something clever when i call y ou
her: that's nothing new
her: you're clever all the time already
her: :)
me: whatevea
me: ok, bye
her: late

fireflies

the conversation:

me: firefly where does all your time go? when you aren't at work?

her: [since] when do you choose to refer to me as firefly?

me: cause it is [in] your IM name and i like it

her: you do?

me: it befits you i think

her: no waaaay!

me: yes, when was the last time you watched fireflies?

her: less than 10 years old

her: :(

her: at dusk

her: smelling of dirt

me: in the south when i was living in georgia, there were lots of them

her: yup - when i was in new orleans

her: that's when i saw them

her: :)

me: they fly around with lots of energy and now and then they glow with a sudden burst like

me: hey i gotta go

her: ok

her: have a lovely cool evening

--

the result:

fireflies

they skirt in settling air
of the evening sky
with boundless energy

in sudden twists,
in blazes, in bursts,
invisible paths of
fading luminence

wings soflty humming
rhymes in motion
ghostly melodies

night sky is the stage
the firefly is the player
the plot a challenge
to meet destiny

if one could follow a muse
if one could follow the spirals
an ephemeral trail of lights

--